I continued to perpetuate a false persona as a hard-working professional and good provider
The more I drank and used, the harder it became to hide the secrets, and whenever someone discovered one of my secrets, the shame compelled me to drink and use more.
My dramatic bottom came in the summer of 2012–complete with sirens, handcuffs, criminal court, jail sentences, family separations, firings, my car being seized, and Emergency Room visits. I was devastated, and I had nothing and no one. I looked at myself finally, and I was not living my best life; truthfully, I wasn’t even living life.
I kept showing up to AA, accepting help, and taking suggestions
That summer, I finally had a spiritual awakening: I needed to give myself the best shot at sobriety. One evening, I went to an A.A. meeting, raised my hand, and identified as an alcoholic. I said out loud, “My life is a mess; I don’t know how to help myself,” and I asked for help.
Help came from other men just like me who shared their own experiences of getting and staying sober. This mishmash crew of men from all walks of life was the network, the fellowship, the non-judgmental friendship, love, and support I had craved my entire life. I prayed to share the deepest and darkest parts of myself without worrying about being judged. And I found those who were willing to do that. I kept showing up, accepting help, and taking suggestions on staying sober.